Schrödinger’s Cat in the Hat Box

When Heisenberg announced with pleasure,
“There are some things you cannot measure.
Not simultaneously at least.”
His irritating smile increased.
“The surer the momentum’s grown,
The less position will be known.”

“But that’s not all,” intruded Bohr.
(A name quite apt. I won’t say more)
“It’s observation perhaps
That makes the wave function collapse.
Until it does it’s all just smeared.
OK, I know it sounds quite weird.
But quantum physics can’t be knocked -
Its implications leave all shocked,
Except those, on the other hand,
Who simply do not understand.”

So Schrödinger, that studious gent
Devised a thought experiment.
A box, some acid and a jigger
Set off by a quantum trigger,
A cat, whose life or death would show
Emission had occurred or no.

You wouldn’t know until you looked
If that poor feline’s goose was cooked,
And it would be, or so he said,
Alive and at the same time dead.

Well so they say, but have no doubt
He actually tried it out,
And in a box set up like that
Securely locked his neighbour’s cat

That philosophical feline
Was to his fate quite unresigned
Though in the box he chose to linger
Mouthing curses at Schrödinger
Waiting for the Geiger’s chatter
Waiting for the phial to shatter
Waits till he can’t wait no more
(For waiting’s such a dreadful Bohr)

Until at last the lid was pried
Open and someone looked inside.
Relief! Survival! Best of men! -
But Erwin clamped it shut again.

And so the cat just lay there thinking
Tail just twitching, eyes unblinking,
“Werner says you can’t be knowing
Where I’m at AND how fast I’m going.

But I exactly know my speed
(Well, zero isn’t hard to read)
And that implies,” so thought the cat,
“Momentum’s nada - which means that

My position can’t be guessed -
There, I knew you’d be impressed -
So I don’t need to mess with locks -
It’s time to think outside the box.”

Well others here will understand
The consequences, though unplanned,
Of mixing up - that cunning devil! -
The micro with the macro level.

An hour passed. Erwin came back
And opened up the box a crack,
Then wider still and stood to stare -
The box was now completely bare!

And as he stuck his head inside
He caught a whiff of cyanide
And dropped down dead (they say it hurts -
I say it was his just deserts).

No, I’m not going to apologise. This was inspired by an article on TalkPolitics, and I just took up the idea and ran with it. Right, who’s going to finish off ‘Harry Potter and the Management Consultant’?

13 Responses to “Schrödinger’s Cat in the Hat Box”

  1. Garry Says:

    This is like totally the business. Inspired is right.
    *applauds enthusiastically*

  2. dearieme Says:

    Reminds me of boyhood, reading “The Strange Story of the Quantum” with its chapter titles including “The Atom of Neils Bohr” followed by “The Atom oh Bohr Kneels”. Pip, pip.

  3. dearieme Says:

    Bugger, that’s “of Bohr”. Sorry.

  4. Tim Worstall Says:

    Britblog Roundup # 34

    Here we are again, the Britblog Roundup. Your nominations for the best blogging of this past week in the UK and Irish internetwebbie thingummajig. You can make your nominations for next week to britblog AT gmail DOT com. This is

  5. Tom Fuller Says:

    There is a palpable desire
    Upon the part of particles
    Imbued with certain energies
    That desire is for peace

    surcease

    Eons of awaited sleep
    In thin silicate sponge
    At every opportunity
    To surrender their energy
    They leap

    And as we trick them through the hoops
    Through which they quickly plunge
    And bait them with the hope of
    Peace that never comes

    They weep and watch us mimic them
    Until they are what we’ve become

  6. Tim Worstall Says:

    Umm, doesn’t the cat belong to Schrodinger? (with an umlaut)

    Other than that can I put this in my anthology?

  7. Tim Worstall Says:

    Can’t see an email addy round here. Can you drop me a line so I can get the release to you?

  8. Administrator Says:

    Perhaps the cruelty of experimenting on a neighbour’s pet makes his fate more deserved. Or perhaps I got carried away and didn’t notice this glaring flaw.

    Anyway, sure. I’m honoured to be in such good company.

  9. Administrator Says:

    Damn, I’ve just noticed I’m called ‘Administrator’. Have to find a way of changing that.

    Pete

  10. Administrator Says:

    By the way Tom, that’s really nice.

    Rather puts my slapstick comedy in its place, but I have to stick to what I’m least bad at.

    Pete

  11. The i-Kew Says:

    I’m not certain where I’ll be…

    The long weekend starteth here, and truly, I am in a state of Heisenberg about when I can get online again. So I googled for Heisenberg, and found (and stole) this: Schödinger’s Cat in the Hat Box When Heisenberg

  12. The Curator’s Egg » Blog Archive » The return of Doggerel Dave Says:

    [...] This rhyming stuff just seems to take over your mind - sort of like OCD - one just leads naturally on to another like ritual hand-washing. [...]

  13. 2005 Blogged: Dispatches From the Blogosphere Says:

    The Curator’s Egg.

    A comment at Talk Politics led to an outburst of poetry. Quite wonderful, quantum mechanics and Dr. Seuss from The Curator’s Egg: Schödinger’s Cat in the Hat Box When Heisenberg announced with pleasure, “There are some things you cannot